It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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