I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.