there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.