Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
