not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can