There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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