I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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