I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.