I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
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This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.