I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
