i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
