3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
