i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
