i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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