But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
