That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
