I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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