So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
