I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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