Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
dude. I can hear the air.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
