i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
