too bad you live with your parents still
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
40s are totally the cure
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
