she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
