im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
