Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize