I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
