I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
