I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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