You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
