Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
