So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
