True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
