No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
