dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
did i just pee glitter
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
