he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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