so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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