Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
