Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
where does the pee come out of this thing
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
