dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
