Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize