how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
