The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
