oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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