im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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