hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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