I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
