dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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