Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
why do cheetos always look like penises
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
