Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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