Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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