Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize