I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
3 2 1 whiskey
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
