his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
