i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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