Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
