I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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