i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
