the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need to sanitize my soul.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
