I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
