Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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