We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
