She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
ok first of all what the fuck
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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