Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
