dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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