Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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