i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You need a sexual gate keeper
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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