sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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