my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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