So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize