Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
