I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I want her autograph on my taint
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
