loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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