But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
