I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
