8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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