oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
