she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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