Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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