I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
