You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Welp...herpes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
