I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
