Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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