Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
